23: Kinder Eggs Are Too Safe!


What in the hell happened to my youth? Remember the phrase that your mum no doubt preached many a time, “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye?” Well thanks to today’s PC packaging you couldn’t even do it if you tried.

Kinder eggs have brackets, you cant pop them anymore. You cant shoot them across the room at an unsuspecting friend. It’s harder to fill one half with blu-tack and create a top spinner thing; just me?

And Smarties are the worst. Cardboard tubes with little cardboard bracket hats. They used to be firearms, I’m surprised schools didn’t ban them. I was a crack-shot with them; hitting people on the run; banking them off walls; mortar firing people behind PC monitors.

Now what are kids supposed to do? Yes, the packaging is more functional, impressive, but it’s not as lethal. I give it six months before the Government start demanding Flakes to come with warning labels as the dusty chocolate remnants could blind you.


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